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Deadly Garage Sale 2022
Can’t decide whether the best line in this is “Rick Breedlove is a fictitious name” or “You’ll never get away with this, you need a notary!”
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Single Black Female 2022
There’s a beautiful graphic match in this between an establishing shot with a foregrounded tree whose trunk looks like a giant ballsack and a closeup on a chandelier whose bulbs also look like a giant ballsack that is honestly nothing short of Ozu-esque.
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The Beatles: Get Back 2021
I hate the Hogg boy, I hate him with my life, he doesnot leave the beatles alone
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Just What the Doctor Ordered 2021
A comparatively sedate, back-to-basics affair for the Stalked By My Doctor saga.
On the one hand that's probably a good idea given the unsustainable zaniness of the last couple entries in the series, but on the other hand there isn't nearly enough of Dr. Beck's laid-back Parrothead alter ego in this one. We demand more Laid Back Beck in Part VI!
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Murder in the Vineyard 2020
The most egregious title bait-and-switch I’ve ever seen from Lifetime, which is really saying something considering how often they pull this shit. Not only does the movie’s sole murder happen nowhere near the vineyard, there’s hardly any vineyard action at all! Instead it turns out to be, of all things, a bog-standard High School Cyberbullying Gone Too Far movie with like three scenes incidentally set at a vineyard and maybe two offhanded references to “biodynamic wines.” Give me someone drowning in…
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Secrets in the Woods 2020
“Of course it works, it’s a toilet.”
Never follow a Brant to a second location.
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White Heart 1975
What Andre Bazin called film’s “indexicality,” the medium’s inherent capacity to record an “imprint” of reality, is really more of a useful fiction than anything, a necessary narrowing of our perceptive bandwidth to prevent us from looking at every film the way Funes the Memorious looks at a flower. Because in truth reality (such as it is) is just the first of an incalculable number of greasy mitts a film has to pass through on its way to us, and…
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Whispering Pines 3 2004
"I really like its texture, but I can't understand what it is trying to say."
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The Wrong Valentine 2021
If he starts sending you unsolicited pictures of scones that’s a big red flag ladies
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