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  • Knight and Day

    Knight and Day

    ★★★

    Tom still manages to pull off some rough-and-tumble stunt work here, even if it's more like watching a guy bowling with the bumpers up (terrible metaphor). Still has too much cgi BULLshit* though.


    *There's a cgi bull in this

  • The Mule

    The Mule

    ★★★★

    Breaking Dad

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  • Aliens

    Aliens

    ★★★★★

    Did the math, and I do believe, on a purely technical level, "Get away from her you bitch!" does in fact pass the Bechdel test.

  • The Great Gatsby

    The Great Gatsby

    Young Baz Luhrmann: "Hey mom! Look what I found in the dumpster: it's some old book!"

    Mom Luhrmann: "Honey, put that thing back where you found it and get back to filming me throwing glitter at your father."

    Young Baz: "But ma! It's got some superficial romance and a melodramatic tragedy of an ending and some subtle political commentary that I can wash over if not ignore completely!"

    Mom: "Well, okay honey, I'll let you read it just this one…