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  • The Competition

    The Competition

    NO STARS

    A scenario presupposing a character who surrounds himself with 30-something bro-Dogg friends, played by mugging, "aw-gee-shucks", giant baby-faced, Chris Klein could conceivably be a lawyer about to make partner, who prefers books to movies.

    This not only stars, but was produced by Thora Birch, and had me wondering how much time on set between set-ups, these two, once-poised-for-stardom washouts spent reminiscing about how good they had it in 1999.

  • Gold

    Gold

    ★★★

    Using his 'entrepreneurial' father as inspiration, Matthew McConaughey's easy charm has never gone down easier or been more effectively silver-tongued as a gold-prospecting hustler, scrapper, make-it-happen-motherfucker, with a bald cap and a belly.

    We're on the other side of the McConaissance now, and overexposed, it felt as though audiences purposely slept on Gold, but in the already diminishing third act of his career, this is McConaughey's best performance, and one the actor was born to play.

    Stephen Gaghan's movie is…

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  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    ★½

    #NotMyFranchise #BringBackGeorge #MoreEnglishAccents

    My heart sank as early as the opening crawl, inaccurately describing how The First Order had dealt The Resistance a lethal blow (last I checked, who had their Starkiller base obliterated along with an incalculable amount of weapons and manpower?), and is now in orbit above their secret base in the midst of an evacuation (hello, insultingly lazy Empire Strikes Back re-tread! The first of many, 'cause you know, xeroxing A New Hope worked out so well…

  • Kingsman: The Golden Circle

    Kingsman: The Golden Circle

    ½

    In place of rapey anal jokes (unless you count the title), we've got an extended fingering gag!

    They may dress like it, but none of the characters or the makers of this repellant trash have any class or clue about acting like a gentleman.

    For a second time, Matthew Vaughn tries to sell us on the idea of Colin Firth's Harry Hart being a firm believer of "manners maketh man", but these are empty words, for this even fouler-mouthed sequel's…