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  • The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl

    The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl

    Okay, I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda drunk and more than slightly high, but I have so many questions about this movie.

    Why does the CGI look like a BBC2 educational cartoon thing from like 2001?

    Why the fuck does the kid basically marry a crystal heart?

    Why does Lava Girl keep forgetting she can, y'know, fly?

    Most importantly though...
    Why have I only just got round to swing this glorious travesty of a movie?

  • Blair Witch

    Blair Witch

    ★★

    I've been ranting at my friends for the past half hour or so that there is a good film hiding somewhere in this mess, you'd just have to go back in time, hire a more competent script supervisor and tighten up the editing process because there are actually some good ideas here. For once, the found-footage style didn't seem gimmicky or tacked on, the characters behaved like actual fuckin' human beings, and I was actually impressed that they managed to…

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  • The Shining

    The Shining

    ★★★★★

    This...this film. This film is just sheer, mind-screwing, absolutely terrifying genius right the way through, keeping you completely focused on the screen, almost blacking out the rest of the world because it feels like you're getting sucked into the film itself, you feel like you're there, following Danny through the corridors of the Overlook Hotel, in the skies looking down on the car as it travels through some of the most beautiful scenery I can imagine. Even then, before even…

  • The World's End

    The World's End

    ★★★★★

    "Get in your rocket and fuck off back to Legoland!"

    So then, the final and possibly most anticipated film in the Cornetto Trilogy. Does it live up to the unbelievably high standards set by its predecessors? Well, it's funny, it's meaningful, it's quotable, it's touching, it's thrilling but above all, very bloody British. In other words, yes, yes it does.

    Simon Pegg's performance as Gary King, the deluded, self-obsessed, trapped-in-his-youth, recovering alcoholic slacker whose plan to relive the pub crawl…