“Your fate is sealed and you cannot escape it.”
The Northman is a tragedy disguised as a revenge tale. A chronicle of a cursed world where bloodshed is praised and death is a casualty - where brother kills brother and fire lights the night sky. A story of a young boy in a grown man’s body, clinging to his father and his mother and the rose-tinted life he once led - living a life where good is gold and gold…
One of the most brain dead, obnoxious and boring movies of the year. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Adam McKay wrote the entire first draft for this movie in an afternoon and just decided to go with it. This might as well have ended with a 7 minute video of a bunch of famous people staring at the camera and repeating the words “don’t litter”.
If you have been to the cinema with me in the last few months, then you'll know that I've been less than excited to see Elvis - and that I didn't really plan to see it at all. Baz Lurhmann is a director who's style just doesn't work for me, and a 3 hour biopic about a musician who I don't have too much interest in directed by the guy who made The Great Gatsby sounds like a cup of…
H̵̼̭̀̌̓͜m̷̢̪̀m̶͚̦͖̬̝͛̔̅̽̌̕m̸̱̬̻̱̼̾͗̈́ ̴͙̻̘̜̊͗̈́̒̽̅ÿ̴͕̩͔̺́̏͒́̚ȩ̶̳̟̥̒̄͜s̸̢͙͇̝̲̊̚͜ ̴̡̢͍̘͂͠w̸̱̯̦̮̬͒̀̂̅̕h̶͕͙͍̾̀̏̒͘ą̸̪̫̳̞̒͒t̶͉̻̰͐̍͌͠ͅ ̵̭̖͓̟̘̳̍a̸̯͙͍̝̥̞̿ ̶̧͒̽́n̷͖͔̣͓̫̻̎̍́o̴͙̞̣̭̯̍̆͒̀̄͝r̸̛͙̼̞̣̲̹͆̕m̸̯̫͂̍͑̂̇a̶̦͎̫͍͂ͅl̴̳̙̑̒̈́̽͂̍ ̶̹͛̂m̷̡̡̝͐̂̌̓̚o̷͎͗̑̈́v̷̪̚ị̸̧͙̲͑̄̇̊̌̓e̴̫͚̪̓.̷̝͇̩̦̪̊ ̷̜̿̉͒J̷̛̦̲̭́̾̓̇u̵̼̻͛̃̓̓s̸͚̹͑͐̊t̷̠͓͊̌̚ ̶̭̝̼͕̼͑͊ă̵̡̛̛̺̱̯̠͑ ̷̞̗̄̌́̔n̸͓̟͔̲̉͝ŏ̴̠͋͜r̸͎͔̫̹̓̕ṃ̸͕̲̾̊̓́á̴̯͓̣̘͑̏l̸̢͖̎͌̓́͗̓,̸̢̝̰͘ ̵̛̹͈̮͚͈̮̅͐͗͝n̶̨̻̟̥̗̭̈́́ì̴͖̦̤̫̎̉͑̎͠ç̵̻̲̋͛ê̴̢̱͉̋,̸̡̦̙̾̃ ̵̢̭̜͙̰͔̉̄f̷̨͓͈͖̬̂́͗͜u̸̪̣̙̬͔͆̈́̉ͅǹ̶̼͕̣̖͎̈̃̆ ̵͓͓̯̥̊m̸̖̲̝͍͌̌o̸̜͐͂̐̋͝v̴̠͊̓͂̓͝ḭ̴́̍̈́̑͊e̷̻̝̹̣̞̱͗͠.̶̢̈́̃ ̷̜͆̃̓͝Î̷̛̯͚͉͝ ̶̛̱̭̏̔̌̈́ę̷̛̰̜̮͍͎̕n̸̹̗̈̈j̵̫̱͍̰̝̊o̷̢̤̩̱̐̈̌̀͋ÿ̸̙͍̟̬̩͍e̴͎̬̐̎̑͐̇͘d̷͓͔̾̆̎͊̈́͠ ̶̛͍͌̎̀̿̈́t̵̛̟͔͙͛̉͆ȟ̸͇͙̃͒̍ī̸̭̤͎͙̻̕̚s̵͔̫͙̺̙̆͒̆ ̸̘̗̍n̴̦̤̫̺̬̫̾̈́͘̚ọ̵̧̖͉̅r̷͉̭̫͉̈́̐̋m̴̲̳̔̕̚a̶̖̼͍͍̽l̶̘̘̣̫̟̫̔͒͠ ̵͖̃́m̴̯͕̹̤͈͛̌õ̵͇v̴͖̣̖̬̰̲͋̌i̶̞̻̘̫̾͑͊̍͘e̷͕͚̣̞̩̖̅͝ ̷̛̱͉͓͖̍̔̅s̴̥̖͈̓̄̾o̵̯̘̘̭̙͖̿͒ ̸̧̰͖͈̥̜̊̕̕ḿ̷̳̀̓̀̀ṳ̸̞̬̠̯̳̅̒̚ć̵̜͑̈́̋h̴̢͓̩͖̖͝!̸̧̘͔̤̒̾̂̍ ̶̢̺͝N̶͕͓̈́̌͠ͅo̷̮̥̩̬̝̯̓̈́̊ŕ̴̞̖͎͇̄̀̈́̓͛m̴̯͚͈̭̭̆a̶̛͉̮̙͗͐̕l̵̻̳̳͔̦̽ ̶͎̲̞̦̈̽̀͠n̶̛̜̤̞̳̬͆͌̎̀̂ǫ̵͎̈͊̊̿́̀ṛ̴̨̰̖͈̝́̋͌̎ḿ̶̺̰̦̝a̴͈̹͙̫̗̭͐̀̕l̸̳͇̗̻͎̏̄̄͂ ̴̰̜̜͎͒́͆n̵̺͇͎̜̓̋̍̓o̴̯̳͘͜r̸̫̤̲̟̯͊̃̉̑̈́̚m̴͙͖̀a̶̛̙̠̬̔̄̒̃l̸͈̰͈͗̾͒̄͝͠!̵̬͚͛̔̓̈͘ ̸̼̺̩̮́̃͊̀Ņ̵̫̯͓̮̩̂̐̋͒̕o̴̠̦͐t̵͚̯̜͚͒͒̃̂̚ͅḣ̴̛̪̭̗̮̾ǐ̷͙̫̲͙̤͙̌n̷̨̨̻̎̆͠g̵̦̪͈̟̘͛͆ ̷̧̨̙̘͍̝͑͆ṭ̷̼͉͔̦̣̏̋ò̶̞̱̻̬͍̮ ̸̠̠̮̞̑s̸̞̈́̋̾ẻ̷̛͍̹̣͕̀̋̈̕e̵͌̅̇̾͐ͅ ̷̧̙̣̓͊̊̂h̶̛̩̞̄̐̓̾̄e̸̬̪̫̬̭͊̅̒̚r̷̐̃̑̈́͜e̴͇͇̟͛̔̊̑́ͅ ̸̥̖̋́́͂ỏ̶̙̼̺͐͆̚͘f̷̤̈́f̴̟͈͌i̴͍̟̩̎̐͂̾̾͊ͅç̸͉͓͕̼̆͝e̷̞̖̰̠̯̿͂̿̃̔r̵͕̘͙̃̆̊̒͊̑ ̴̛̲͇̝͎̰͆̎̇̓́j̵̗̇̿̏̒̕͝u̴͖͎̤̻̫̘̾̈́̔͒͐͝ś̸͚̠͔͊̔ͅt̵̮̘͋́͗̄ ̶̜͈́́ȧ̷͔̰̱̀͛ ̵͎̳͔̤̝͊̽̏ͅn̴͔̔̎̒͝ỏ̶̜̬̰̾͌̓ṙ̴̮̹̿͑ṁ̴̧̠̠̪͒̍̕a̴̘̭͚̝͔͋̅̎l̴͈̜̜̝͠ ̵̛̜̮̺́̕͘͠ṁ̵͍͇̗̩̀͘͝o̸͕̙̘̭͚̊͂v̶͔̦̟̬͚̂ͅi̷̭̦̬̠͒̃ͅë̴̥̠̗̪́̏ͅͅ!̶̪̻̪̤͙̦̾͛͒͛̚ ̴̳̤̤͇̼͂D̶̢̨̲̭̦͌̔̕͘͜ǐ̴̙̆͋͑̋̈́d̴͍͇̅̎͑̎ ̶̦͔̰͍̤̉̍̔̎̕I̴͖̯̅͆̈́ ̶̝̲͈̌͊̊̆̃͌m̷͚̱͓͌̉͝ë̸̢̬͚̦̩̝́̅́́͒n̸̜̐̾̋ṭ̶͈̟̪́̇͋̓̆̚i̸͎͌͗͒̀̎̓ô̴̥͙͜n̵̺̫̼̂̊̒̅͐͜͝ ̵̺̫͉̦̉͑͐̔͑ṫ̵͍̩͕̭̪͚͊h̴̝̞̩̪͊i̶͈̳̽ş̷͙̞͉̝̐̿͝ ̷̨̭̳̫̫͑̑̓́̈́̚f̸̞̃̿̓̔̄i̴̭͇̫̦͓̙̔l̶̡̮̫̳̹͒͝ͅm̵̨͈̠̲͖̎͛̕̚͝ ̵̢͉̭͔̥͖̀̌̑͛̋͊ŵ̶͙̬̬̬͌a̴̖̬͈̼̭̪͂̎͝ṥ̸̩̼̳̗̭ ̶̙͙͚̼͑̉͑̅͠n̵̯̞̽̿o̴̡̰̣͕͉̰̍̀̚r̴͈͚͂̇ḿ̸̡̖̻͙̾̚a̴̡͛͑̉l̶̢͖̤̼̥̆̊̉̄͛̍?̵̢͈̣͈̓̉
A barrage of cigarette smoke, a cacophony of voices and stories and characters and colours. A psychotic painter, a student uprising, a child kidnapping, a group of old people writing old stories in an old town. Some will hate this film, others will love it. It’s an explosive movie, booming with charm and delightful moments of genuine emotion and heart.
The French Dispatch is Anderson’s grand, epic magnum opus. While some will criticise it for its heavy emphasis on style, perhaps rightfully so, others will praise it for exactly this. I loved this film.
5/5
