Godzilla ★★★

It's Heisenberg without his Blue Sky and Kick-Ass without his silly costume in Gareth Edwards's tale of King Kong's best friend Godzilla. Spooky cave. Where's Godzilla hiding at? The music screams Godzilla, but I don't see Godzilla anywhere. Who's smarter? Walter White, Joe Brody, or Bryan Cranston? I think Aaron Taylor-Johnson is on Roids. The way Elizabeth Olsen giggles. Holy Fuck! Joe & Ford Brody are wearing "let's make some meth" masks. Who the fuck names their kid Ford? Action figures can survive a nuclear explosion. I forgot Bryan Cranston had hair. ROAR! Ken Watanabe knows what's up. Where's Perry Mason? Where's Takashi Shimura? I don't give a fuck where Matthew Broderick is. MUTOs are mean. Back in the day Richard T. Jones was the motherfucker. I like Aaron Taylor-Johnson more when he wears a superhero costume. He just doesn't scream leading man material. Short Round's distant cousin. MUTO goo. ROAR! The sound is the motherfucker. It's by far my favorite aspect of the film. It creates a tension and illusion that danger is close and you can almost feel the fear from the people running for their lives. Super quick doggie. Zilla stomp. The news is sometimes helpful when disaster strikes. Flying flashlight. ROAR! Elizabeth Olsen is easy on the eyes, but she really doesn't do anything to add substance to Godzilla. Bazooka watch. The guy that drives the short school bus should have his own spin-off. Maybe the marketing team meant to name the film MUTOs: The Ugly Ass Creatures that will Fuck You the Fuck Up. Elizabeth Olsen's wet hair. POV Zilla action is the motherfucker. The MUTOs sure are pretty. Godzilla deserves Oscar nominations for Sound Mixing and Sound Editing. ROAR! What if Aaron Paul played the role of Ford Brody? He would've made Godzilla his bitch. Zilla flame. Zilla stroll. ROAR! When Godzilla is on the screen, Godzilla owns the screen. Godzilla looks awesomely badass. You don't want to fuck with Godzilla. I wish Godzilla would've had more screen time, but maybe I'm just greedy and selfish. Aaron Taylor-Johnson had no business playing the lead. He's not ready to carry a major Hollywood blockbuster. Bryan Cranston does his thing in a very important supporting role. I didn't love it, but it least Godzilla ain't no Transformers. ROAR!

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