Pretty Maids All in a Row ★★★★

A beautiful cheerleader is found murdered in a high school boys bathroom. The brutal killing shocks the community, and the Feds are called to investigate. There's only one clue; a note left at the scene of the crime. Why was this young lady murdered? Who killed her? Why is Rock Hudson sporting a 70's pornstash? Pretty Maids All in a Row is my type of movie. A taboo flick, that's genre bending at its most bending. Featuring a way too smokin' Angie Dickinson, a bald Telly Savalas, music from The Osmonds, a cool kid named Ponce de Leon, and Rock Hudson like you've never seen him before. This is one film, you must see to believe.

God bless, Rock Hudson. When most people think of Rock, they probably think of his death, or the romantic comedies he made with Doris Day. However, Rock Hudson was a real motherfucker. Watch John Frankenheimer's Seconds, and tell me why Rock doesn't have an Oscar? Now, with this, Rock pulls a Henry Fonda / Denzel Washington. (Watch and figure out what I'm talking about.) He's a man of many occupations. He's a vice-principal, psychiatrist, guidance counselor, teacher, test giver person, student fucker, and maybe the most important; the football coach. He also has a fine wife, and a cute kid. Plus, he's a mentor to our "hero" Ponce. Oh yeah, and Tiger is his nickname. If you have any interest in Rock Hudson; I beg you to watch.

The fella who created Star Trek adapted the screenplay, and the gent who directed Barbarella is the director. These two are straight up perverts. The opening shot follows Ponce's eyes. Guess what he's staring at? If you said "boobs" give yourself a cookie. The entire movie is controversial. Angie Dickinson takes hot for teacher to a whole new level. I'm not sure if you're supposed to get excited when she's doing her seducing, but it's kinda hard not to. Also, we have countless amounts of nakedness, and the girls are strutting their stuff for a certain Rock. I could only imagine the protest if this was made today. The PC crowd, might have an aneurysm. This movie is so dirty; I think I need a bath. Who am I kidding? I loved every second.

What else is awesome? Well, Telly Savalas pretty much plays Kojack, a couple of years before Kojack came on the tube. Scotty from Star Trek is in this, and he gives it all he's got, and he doesn't wear a red shirt. Roddy McDowell shows up, and says things you would expect Roddy McDowell to say. Who doesn't jam to The Osmonds? Well, you're in for a treat. There's a nice amount of their music. Let's play a game. What genre is this movie? My answer is: a comedic drama coming of age horror sexy pants detective flick with a twist or twelve. Yeah, this has no genre, and I wish more movies would be such a hodgepodge of awesomeness.

I like this one a lot. The leads kill it. I wish I could've smoked a cigar with Telly. I wish I could invent a time machine and go back to 1971 and let Angie seduce me. I wish I could have dinner with Rock Hudson, and just shoot the shit about life in general. I can't think of a lot of faults, I think my score will only grow on rewatches. Recommended for all my fellow freaks.