Favorite films

  • Jaws
  • Sweet Smell of Success
  • 2001: A Space Odyssey
  • Nightmare Alley

Recent activity

All
  • Elvis

    ★★★★

  • Spring Breakers

    ★★★★

  • The Black Phone

    ★★

  • Revealer

Pinned reviews

More
  • Scanner Cop II

    Scanner Cop II

    ★★★½

    A practical effects superstar. The gore and kills are almost comically long but unexpectedly gooey as Patrick Kilpatrick drains these Scanner Heads of their precious internal juices. If that sounds overtly sexual, you should see his face when he does it. 

    Scanner Cop, Daniel Quinn returns! This time with longer hair and a leather jacket. He’s kicked the squeaky clean image for a more rough and tumble I-Don’t-Play-By-The-Rules vibe. It mostly works as Kilpatrick and Quinn face off in the ultimate staring contest. The winner will go home alive. The loser will go home dead. 

    However, they will have both shat their pants.

  • Omen IV: The Awakening

    Omen IV: The Awakening

    ★★★½

    Ten things I’ve learned about the Antichrist:

    1. The Antichrist hates when you steal their lunch. 
    2. The Antichrist lives by the Billy Madison motto “O’Doyle... I’ve got a feeling your whole family’s going down.”
    3. The Antichrist believes New Age healing crystals are for hippies... 
    4. ...And all hippies must be destroyed. 
    5. An upside down T will pop up every so often around the Antichrist’s victims. It most likely stands for Terror!
    6. You must first ask if…

Recent reviews

More
  • Elvis

    Elvis

    ★★★★

    I wonder if Forrest Gump ever found out how much money he would end up making for his missing father by teaching Elvis those sick gyrations?

    Pretty much an epic 2.5 hour biopic trailer for an Elvis film. Absolutely floored by the spectacle on display here.

  • Spring Breakers

    Spring Breakers

    ★★★★

    This Florida tourism video is exactly how I imagined it.

Popular reviews

More
  • Antlers

    Antlers

    ★½

    This was 99 minutes that felt like 159. From voice to emotions to score this film drones in a monotone haze. The dreary surroundings, restrained characters, and dark cinematography almost lulled me to sleep.

    I can’t ever seem to get on board with a story where you follow two sets of characters: 1) our protagonists who are trying to figure out a mystery & 2) a neutral character that shows us everything that the first set is investigating. At that point…

  • The Fly II

    The Fly II

    ★★½

    This movie made me question everything I’ve done with my life.

    In the first five years, Eric Stoltz:

    1) Wears Rick Moranis cosplay.
    2) Gets his own apartment.
    3) Has sex.
    4) Decapitates someone using an elevator.

    It took me twenty-plus years to do three of those. 






    I’m still trying to find the Gatekeeper to complete my couple’s costume.