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  • Nothing Underneath

    Nothing Underneath

    ★★★½

    AKA The Eyes of Robert Crane

    One of the breezier giallos that was personally a lot of fun to watch. 

    It has Donald Pleasance chewing scenery (and spagett) as the “Italian” detective attempting to work alongside a Yellowstone Park Ranger, as the two search for the Ranger’s runway model sister in Milan. 

    I mean... c’mon. How does that not sound amazing? Well, what if we threw in Pino Dinaggio cribbing his own Body Double theme for the soundtrack? Okay. Hmmm...…

  • Omen IV: The Awakening

    Omen IV: The Awakening

    ★★★½

    Ten things I’ve learned about the Antichrist:

    1. The Antichrist hates when you steal their lunch. 
    2. The Antichrist lives by the Billy Madison motto “O’Doyle... I’ve got a feeling your whole family’s going down.”
    3. The Antichrist believes New Age healing crystals are for hippies... 
    4. ...And all hippies must be destroyed. 
    5. An upside down T will pop up every so often around the Antichrist’s victims. It most likely stands for Terror!
    6. You must first ask if…

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  • The Queen of Black Magic

    The Queen of Black Magic

    ★★★

    Worthwhile aesthetics that make you feel like you’re trapped in hell. Dug the storied history but overall felt like it was a lot of searching around the house instead of trying to solve something. Doesn’t take away from the end product but hearing one character call out for another (and then times that by several others doing the same) kinda wears a bit thin. 

    Good stuff. Bad CG.

  • The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

    The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

    ★★★½

    Nicolas Cage is feverishly seeking out Leslie Nielsen, because the man is a goddamned national treasure.

    Unfortunately, this film also contains O.J. Simpson.

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  • The Fly II

    The Fly II

    ★★½

    This movie made me question everything I’ve done with my life.

    In the first five years, Eric Stoltz:

    1) Wears Rick Moranis cosplay.
    2) Gets his own apartment.
    3) Has sex.
    4) Decapitates someone using an elevator.

    It took me twenty-plus years to do three of those. 






    I’m still trying to find the Gatekeeper to complete my couple’s costume.

  • Cobra

    Cobra

    ★★★★★

    Still the best balls-to-the-wall 80s actioner. Stallone riffs and improvs his way through some of the more memorable scenes like cutting his pizza with a pair of scissors, popping a Coors mid-aisle before knifing a hostage-taker, or ripping a gang leader’s shirt off (revealing the actor’s lav mic).

    I seriously don’t get the bad reviews. This is a perfect film of the genre.