Inferno ★★★★★

This movie is an absolute masterpiece and I’ve watched it SO MANY TIMES. Every time I watch it, different things stand out to me. At this point, I wouldn’t say “new” things because seriously, I’ve watched this A LOT. I figured for this review I would share the things that stood out on this particular visit...

When I was a kid, I used to read horror movie books all the time because we didn’t have any internet. In one of those huge books, I read about the underwater room scene and was absolutely fascinated and awed by the description and single accompanying picture. I wouldn’t see it for quite a few years later because DVD’s weren’t even around and sometimes things like that didn’t quite live up to the hype in my head, but this sure did. It’s just gorgeous and creepy and perfectly surreal. I can’t even imagine what I’d do in that situation.

Ania Pieroni and her eyebrows were really the perfect choice to play Mater Lachrymarum. Gabriele Lavia is basically to Argento as Daniela Doria is to Fulci. Argento has killed him so many times in so many ways. Irene Miracle’s entire chase and death scene gives me chills every single time. There’s a particular part of it where she’s walking down a hallway with the camera following behind her and white curtains billowing on each side with eerie bombastic music playing and that’s f*cking cinema right there, people.

There are cats EVERYWHERE in this movie and that alone is enough for me to rate it 5 stars. I love the insinuation that cats belong to the dark side because so do I, kitties. So. Do. I. There is some abhorrent (fake) cat violence, but it does not go unpunished and that particular death is probably the sickest one. There’s also an animal on animal violence scene of a cat eating a mouse and it doesn’t even bother me because cats gotta do what cats gotta do, right? Speaking of cats and murder, Daria Nicolodi’s demise is exactly how I want to go. When it’s time just throw me in a room with a bunch of hungry cats because it would be an honor.

Keith Emerson’s “Mater Tenebrarum” is absolutely phenomenal and gives me the chills every single time I hear it. It is currently stuck in my head and will be for at least a day and I’m not complaining at all. Finally, Leigh McCloskey’s wide leg pants are amazing and it is a travesty that I wasn’t around for that era of fashion because it was THE BEST.

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