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  • The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

    The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

    ★★

    35/100

    One of those movies where a bunch of viewers were like "I thought it would be bad, but actually it's pretty fun!"

    For this reason, I was like "I thought this would be fun, but actually it's pretty bad."

    I'm not going anywhere near The Lone Ranger now.

  • Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

    Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

    ★★★½

    60/100

    Quite successful in the way that it builds towards the team-up that the title promises, and McGregor is having a blast, but boy does it whiff that final battle. Pay a fight choreographer (and maybe a cinematographer who knows where to put the camera when people are smacking the shit out of each other) next time, people!

    (Still the best DC movie though)

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  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    ★★½

    46/100

    This was a movie. It had a start, a middle, and an end. It had some protagonists and antagonists. It had a score, and some acting, and the scenes were edited together using professional editing software. There were some special effects as well. It was directed by J.A Bayona. It will make money. We will be back in 2-3 years from now to do it all over again.

  • La La Land

    La La Land

    ★★½

    48/100

    Relentlessly artificial and horribly written (the story beats are so predictable - time for an argument, time for a crisis of confidence, time for a win! - and the mawkish finale completely unearned thanks to the cheap jump in time that completely glosses over who did what and thus lets the audience wallow in a hollow melancholy without having to question either of the main characters' decisions), this is basically saved by the relentlessly energy of the two leads,…