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  • Baywatch

    Baywatch

    ★★

    Scavenger Hunt #31, Task #27: A film that has an awful tagline or a pun in the title.

    "Beaches ain't ready."

    This "beach" right here (*two thumbs pointed inward*) was ready, and ended up being decidedly unimpressed. Frankly, it might be time to give the "ironic-comedy-based-on a-forgotten-television-show" genre a rest, because it was apparently an anomaly when the first "21 Jump Street" managed to not completely suck. I wasn't even treating this movie as a hate-watch; I understood what "Baywatch"…

  • Crank

    Crank

    ★★★

    Scavenger Hunt #31, Task #19: A film featuring a Linkin Park song or a cameo by Chester Bennington.

    "Crank" is what would happen if you took a Limp Bizkit music video, tried to insert a plot, and extended the running time to 90 minutes. Limp Bizkit makes me laugh, and so did "Crank."

    Unlike other movies that aim to be ironically stupid and end up just being stupid, "Crank" has some actual wit to it. However, "Crank" is also unrepentant trash. Did I enjoy this movie? I don't even know. My head hurts.

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  • Torque

    Torque

    ★½

    Scavenger Hunt #31, Task #29: A film about gangs.

    My eyes were already rolling during the first minute of "Torque," and they never quite found their way back to their proper location until well after the movie was over. Director Joseph Kahn once said of "Torque" that he was making a "dumb movie for smart people," which makes me worry that Kahn may not know what the word "smart" means. Maybe he was talking about that scene where the draft…

  • Colossal

    Colossal

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Scavenger Hunt #31, Task #26: A film featuring a scene at the United Nations, or a film starring an actor who has given a speech there.

    It has been a while since I wanted a character to die as much as I wanted Jason Sudeikis to die in "Colossal." More on that later.

    First, let's talk about Anne Hathaway, who carries the film with typical aplomb. I have always loved Hathaway as an actress, but understand that she conducts herself…