RSS feed for Turd

Favorite films

Recent activity


Recent reviews

  • The Post

    The Post


    If Trump ever ends up screening “The Post,” the easy joke is that he’d deride the film for having a downer ending. The truth is that he’d stop paying attention to the movie 20 minutes into it because he has the attention span of a big stupid baby, fall asleep due to the lack of boobs and boom boom, and then go on Twitter to yell at Ron Howard for directing such a boring fucking movie.

    “The Post” is standard…

  • Call Me by Your Name

    Call Me by Your Name


    Timothée Chalamet is all sinew and twitchiness, not yet fully formed in body and spirit. The days fly by with emotions spiraling every which way, and then it’s suddenly over, and the lack of closure makes you want to scream in frustration. It all culminates in a monologue delivered by Michael Stuhlbarg with such heartbreaking warmth that you expect the scene to end with an Oscar materializing in his hand. “Call Me by Your Name” is a nourishing gem.

Popular reviews

  • Torque



    Scavenger Hunt #31, Task #29: A film about gangs.

    My eyes were already rolling during the first minute of "Torque," and they never quite found their way back to their proper location until well after the movie was over. Director Joseph Kahn once said of "Torque" that he was making a "dumb movie for smart people," which makes me worry that Kahn may not know what the word "smart" means. Maybe he was talking about that scene where the draft…

  • Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

    Lara Croft: Tomb Raider


    Scavenger Hunt #31, Task #6: A film based on a video game.

    It might be unfair to judge "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" in 2017, with "The Force Awakens" and "Wonder Woman" fairly fresh in the mind, and with Charlize Theron going full Neeson and in the process becoming the greatest action star in the world. (Sincerest apologies to the Rock. An apathetic shrug of the shoulders to Vin Diesel.)

    However, them's the breaks, and while this movie doesn't fall completely…