twl_corinthian

twl_corinthian

I wish I lived in one of those Sure-Lock Homes.

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  • 2010

    2010

    ★½

    They evidently only filmed about two thirds of what they needed, then stitched it together with clumsy narration and irrelevant prologue. There are a few decent sequences of space exploration - Dr. Floyd and a young cosmonaut sharing their terror of an orbital manoeuvre is the film's highlight - but there's not much plot: the Alexei Leonov travels to Jupiter, witnesses a few deleted scenes from 2001, then sets off back. The issue of HAL-9000's sanity is too derivative of…

  • The Blood on Satan's Claw

    The Blood on Satan's Claw

    ★★★½

    It's the twenty-twenties now, and horrorphiles are still eagerly aquaff of the tantalus of Seventies haunto-folkism (you heard me). This particular globule is a cult film in both senses of both words: devil-worshipping peasants grow patches of inhuman skin. "Witchcraft is dead and discredited!" says the village's magistrate. "Are you set on reviving old horrors?" Apparently we are.

    Tigon Films' The Blood on Satan's Claw has swathes of that lovely creepy texture that we can't get enough of. Church ruins in a mossy forest and…

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  • The Imitation Game

    The Imitation Game

    Turing (The 'Batch) and Joan Clarke (Keira Knightley) are plucky underdogs with a Nazi-beating plan, opposed by the code-bullies of Snooty Hut. Commander Crustyboots (Charles Dance) bellows "TUUUURRRING!!!" whenever there's mayhem on campus. Ropey CGI of U-boats and bombers fills in the gaps.

    Where to start? All historical facts inaccurate. This wouldn't matter, if only the film didn't yell so loud about the genius of Turing's techniques and the invincibility of Enigma - both those things having been dumbed-down into…

  • The Time Machine

    The Time Machine

    ★★★

    The themes of responsibility/fate are feeble. The dialogue is rubbish. Guy Pearce is bland as the Time-Traveller, and Jeremy Irons is preposterous as Jareth the Goblin King. There are thousands of plotholes (how can you learn spoken English from written signs?). And the problematic racial coding of the future society has been sidestepped by making the Eloi nebulously pan-afro-asiatic, so the Time-Traveller can turn up to be their saviour, which - I'm sure you'll agree - fixes everything.

    In spite…