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  • Trolls

    Trolls

    ★★★

    Yeah, so doesn't pick up until the whole Cinderella mirroring begins, but oddly enough kinda fun, if not wholly intriguing as a wild postmodern fever dream.

    Bone to pick though: They are all Trolls, see, because the Bergen theme tune in the score is Hall of the Mountain King, so like... aren't they all trolls. Cannibalism is wrong.

  • The Greatest Showman

    The Greatest Showman

    ½

    Quite possibly the worst optics of any movie ever. Revolting, somehow worse than the Snowman which isn't even a complete movie.

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  • Happy Death Day

    Happy Death Day

    ★★★½

    This is simultaneously the best and worst thing I've ever seen.

  • War for the Planet of the Apes

    War for the Planet of the Apes

    I don't understand the love here at all. This was utter garbage, for a myriad of reasons:
    1. Hackneyed writing. Yeah give the girl and the monkey a little moment before you kill the monkey in the next scene -- screenwriting!
    2. So so so fucking tired of the "protect child who will change everything" trope, and it doesn't even make sense here to boot.
    3. Literally no moment in this shitshow is earned. We just get "moments" because we…