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  • Kristy

    Kristy

    ★★★

    Serviceable slasher made better because Haley Bennett is in it and she's pretty like cute deer.

  • The Devil's Candy

    The Devil's Candy

    ★★★

    The most dramatic and tense moment in this film is when a dude is worrying about being late to pick his daughter up from school.

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  • Cabin Fever

    Cabin Fever

    ½

    "Hi, Eli Roth. We're gonna remake Cabin Fever. Got any ideas for it?"
    "Just fuck my shit up, fam."
    "Say no more."

  • Halloween

    Halloween

    ★★★★★

    It's Sept. 1, dudes! That means Halloween season in effect!!

    This movie is endlessly scary. You want proof? There's a scene where Michael is standing on a suburban street, half obscured by shrubs in broad daylight and it's about the scariest fucking thing you'll ever see in your life. If your monster can be scary just loitering around the neighborhood during the day, then you're a damn good director.

    It has always bothered me that Loomis shows up at the…