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  • Lake of Dracula

    Lake of Dracula

    ★★★★

    Seriously disappointed that there is no terrible early-00's teen remake of Lake Of Dracula because the tagline would totally be "You've Got Mail . . . And It's Dracula!!!"

    When you are a young woman who for your whole life has been terrorized by fears of Dracula but you don't know what a Dracula is exactly and neither do your dumb doctor boyfriend or your sister who has a crush on him but they are more than willing to tell…

  • Satan's Storybook

    Satan's Storybook

    ★★★★½

    Satan's Storybook exists because Satan is bummed out that the Queen Of Hell got queen-napped by a bunch of Christian Ninjas led by her Sister whose name is Christeeth so Satan summons an Evil Jester to tell Stories Of The Damned and these Stories are about a Goth Witch Revenging Herself On A Nightstalker Wannabe and a Suicidal Clown Who Meets An Evil Clown and Christeeth fights An Orc on the way to Off-Brand Mordor and A Lot Of Demons…

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  • Green Room

    Green Room

    ★★★★½

    You know, it would be really quite terrible if we were to find ourselves trapped in the midst of an armed White Supremacist business operation which uses entertainment as a cover for nefarious schemes which sicken and enslave the whole of the culture whilst using non-whites as scapegoats for the damage and hostility which follows, further fuelling their cause, right? right?

  • Aliens

    Aliens

    ★★★★★

    When I was an agoraphobic psychotic 13 year old in 1987, my most prized possession was a VHS tape I had made myself by recording David Cronenberg's The Fly and Aliens off of HBO. I watched those movies over and over. I barely went to school that fall. I had not finished the end of 7th Grade because incarcerated in a for-profit psychiatric hospital for children, let out to go to an academic summer program, which was a bad idea…