Constantine ★★½

Some sects of one right-hand path or another have been known to posit that there is a Hell in which the only in-flight cinematic entertainment is Constantine on a loop for the duration of a very very long if not infinite flight - time where no snacks but those in fake foil packages are served, and at first that doesn't sound THAT bad until what it would actually be like to be able to watch nothing but Constantine, a world composed of actors laboring under the gelid, bathyscapic atmosphere of mid 00's CGI like ants trapped in rancid orange marmalade on burnt white toast for 6 meals a day. The dumbest occult shotgun in movies. A ridiculous, offensive policy on immigration. I could barely make it through one viewing, and I love bad Keanu movies like Keanu loves rumpled suits with partially loosened neckties. At least Tilda Swinton and Peter Stormare are having a good time.

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