preparation of the ritual ground

dirt leather oil chains

cat hair skulls smoke

Dear Jesus:

I hope you can help me understand. My boyfriend whom I love dearly isn't in love with me. He's in love with Death and its avatars on this earth, especially Marlon Brando, James Dean and Adolf Hitler. He is kind of into you, but kind of not, I guess that makes sense because you are all about eternal life but you did die pretty gruesomely? When we hang out all he wants to do is read comix and get high and rearrange his outfits for hours before we can go out to the Halloween party or the motorcycle race. I have a feeling he isn't really paying attention to me and would be doing all this stuff whether I was there or not. I should tell you that my boyfriend is really really into motorcycles, almost as must as he is into death. I love death too, she is SO BEAUTIFUL but I don't court her the way he does. He armors himself in her and in the darkness which surrounds her, which extends from her and far into her, an impenetrable aura so the opposite of blinding that maybe aviator shades at night will help to see into the vast dark. Part of him lives there with her always and I have to admit I am kind of jealous. Not of Death Herself because that doesn't make sense but here I am trying to make time with him and all he has is eyes for her. I know he is thinking of her when we make love, and jesus, that part is So Amazing and Fierce but he is somewhere else and not with me and I wonder what movies are going on behind those glasses. Any advice you could give me would be much appreciated but don't tell him I was asking because sometimes he gets weird about the fact that you and I talk sometimes and he goes on about how he could totally beat you in a motorcycle race and I reassure him that that is so true because honestly Jesus it probably is, no offense intended. I have covered myself in the Holy Blood Of The Lamb but I don't feel any purer but I do feel kinda turned on, is it ok that I say that to you? I am never clear on if you are just listening to all of this or if you are secretly judging me and you will come back 2000 years from now on fire and holding a sword that is also on fire which seems really extra and condemn me to a lake of fire for eternity which gosh that is A LOT of fire! I am getting turned on again just thinking about this but I don't know if that is what you intended? I can't help it I like who I like! Sometimes when he is asleep I put on all of his rings and scarves and I wear his motorcycle jacket and I pretend to be him in the mirror and it confuses all of the cats if they are even paying attention but they meow at me like what are you up to and I just let it go and acting like he is me is the biggest turn-on of all because then for real we can be as one at least a little more and I carry his picture in my wallet and pull it out all throughout the day and look at it and look at him looking at me. We are so in love! Jesus I feel like you aren't really listening or maybe you are just distracted. I am sure you have a lot going on too. Anyway, thank you for being my friend in all of this? I wish you would give me some more feedback sometimes but maybe it is better this way. Night is starting to fall and my boyfriend is going to wake up soon but for right now I just want to lay down next to him and hold him and feel him breathing and pretend that we are both draculas in a crypt and soon we will rise and spread our wings over the earth. You would know something about that right? It feels SO GOOD! Goodbye for now.

Your Friend,

XXX

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