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  • The Florida Project

    The Florida Project

    ★★★★★

    There are a lot of similarities between this movie and my thesis film. One point of difference however is that my thesis film is terrible and this is very, very, not terrible.

  • Justice League

    Justice League

    ★½

    I need a shower.

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  • Blade Runner 2049

    Blade Runner 2049

    ★★★★★

    LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

    Blade Runner 2049 is the perfect first date movie. Because if he/she don't dig it, they're super-lame, probably a Mental-B replicant at best, and definitely not the man/woman of your unicorn 🦄 dreams.

    Oh. And this one's a bonafide, long-awaited, ridgey-didge, full-throttle, rootin' tootin', no-holds-barred 6/5. (🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄/5)

  • Stripes

    Stripes

    ★★★★★

    John Candy gives me a dishonorable discharge...every time.