★★★★★ - love
★★★★ - really like
★★★ - like
★★ - don't hate
★ - dislike
½ - hate
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
i liked the black balloons as kidnapping cover because it makes it so much more conspicious than just shoving a kid in your van like yeah don't mind me with this GIGANTIC BUNDLE OF BLACK BALLOONS
the kid in this spends more time peacefully napping in the murder basement than actually being confronted with any immediate danger. the setup makes it seem like it's gonna be this tense thriller but it's more like watching someone solve a really boring escape…
there's a part in this movie where a lady says she takes too long to eat her lucky charms so she just ends up with a bowl of pink milk. lucky charms milk doesn't turn pink, it turns green. this is bad writing. when they tell you to write from experience, this is the kind of thing they're really talking about.
there's a part in this where matt walsh gets mildly shoved at the women's march and it shows a slow-motion replay of it, complete with scary sound effect. this scene is described on the film's imdb parents guide, under the "violence & gore" category, as a "graphic shoulder hit."