Favorite films

  • Leave Her to Heaven
  • The Heiress
  • Lady Snowblood
  • Velvet Goldmine

Recent activity

All
  • Newsies

    ★★★★

  • Thrashin'

    ★★★½

  • Swingers

    ★★★★

  • Fast X

    ★★★½

Pinned reviews

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  • The Nativity Story

    The Nativity Story

    ★★★

    don't put oscar isaac in your movie if i'm supposed to be thinking about jesus

Recent reviews

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  • Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

    Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

    ★★★★★

    literally the "hello, human resources?" meme except this movie is the handsome guy who is so beautiful and delightful and charming that I simply pretend I do not see any creepiness

  • Penny Serenade

    Penny Serenade

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Was promised weepie melodrama; received maudlin bore :(

    At one point, we find out the child is fated to die, and the next several scenes play out like a Final Destination movie. But then the actual death happens off-screen and is revealed in a letter!!! It was not a tragic school play accident at all!!!

    I did love, and would kill and/or die for, Uncle Applejack. The scene where he swoops in to change the baby's diaper was the film's emotional high point. I wish the rest of the movie had achieved an ounce of that humanity!

Popular reviews

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  • Texas Chainsaw 3D

    Texas Chainsaw 3D

    ★½

    Hurry, block the door with this small piece of wood, which I'm sure is that chainsaw's only weakness!

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    [me banging pots and pans outside j.j. abrams' house:]

    WHO FUCKED PALPATINE?
    WHO.... FUCKED..... PALPATINE?
    WHO??? FUCKED????? PALPATINE????