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  • The Nativity Story

    The Nativity Story

    ★★★

    don't put oscar isaac in your movie if i'm supposed to be thinking about jesus

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  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    [me banging pots and pans outside j.j. abrams' house:]

    WHO FUCKED PALPATINE?
    WHO.... FUCKED..... PALPATINE?
    WHO??? FUCKED????? PALPATINE????

  • Avengers: Endgame

    Avengers: Endgame

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    one star for carol's haircut

    one star for making taika's pineapple romper canon

    one star for hayley atwell's 60 seconds of screen time

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  • Texas Chainsaw 3D

    Texas Chainsaw 3D

    ★½

    Hurry, block the door with this small piece of wood, which I'm sure is that chainsaw's only weakness!

  • Better Watch Out

    Better Watch Out

    ½

    male filmmakers are cancelled now