some Tumblr kid with 'intersectional feminist' in their bio and a flower crown edit of Hannibal as their phone background: [watches Only God Forgives and all four Purge movies after getting a rude reblog on one of their posts from a guy with a Kekistan flag pfp] [makes this]

dope practical effects in the beginning, wish they'd kept that energy through the whole film. never seen a proper kung fu movie before actually so no idea how this compares (probably sucks) but I had a good time

has a bit of a slow start but once it gets rolling it's nonstop brutality from start to finish. one of the most fascinatingly unpleasant horror movies I've seen in awhile (THIS is how to do fast zombies, take note). so many headbutts

the only reasons people seem to be giving this 4.5s and 5s:

- their parents went through a divorce or they had a messy breakup and it's #relatable
- they had low expectations for a Noah Baumbach movie and were pleasantly surprised he exceeded them
- they were impressed by Scarlett Johansson being not terrible this time
- they're horny for Adam Driver

none of you will remember this movie in 3 months

edit: it's been less than 3 months and this is no longer on the Letterboxd Top 250. @ all my haters get rekt