Grown Ups

A really depressing movie. Mostly Sandler & co. do the dozens on each other, but they're not very funny. This is how Salma Hayek is described in husband Sandler's presence: "What a spicy quesadilla you got yourself there Lenny." Opens with Sandler ranting against video games, and the weekend's biggest triumph is when the cell-phone-deprived kids finally get the nature of Real Analog Fun. A subplot has David Spade chided for drinking too much, with the parents responsibly sticking to one beer or none; for his overindulgence, a passed-out Spade's left to sleep it off in a closet, and it's implied he may have had sex with a dog left in there, which as a way of chiding a friend for overindulgence seems unconscionably severe. Black women have bunions, all women have asses, Kevin James is fat and so he breaks things, water parks are fun, Steve Buscemi exists to be a pincushion. Lesson learned: "The first act is always interesting. The second act is where the depth comes in."