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The Faculty 1998
I "honored" this movie on the "occasion" of its 15th anniversary here. The fact that I didn't mention Robert Rodriguez's name once is hopefully an indication of the contempt I hold his mostly anonymous/terrible work in. He's a cut above Robert Luketic, but he's not even Nimród Antal.
Anyway, if you like me being mean, you'll like this one. It's a harmless enough target.
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Battle of the Year 2013
Sight & Sound review, not online.
This is an awful, awful movie. For some reason, this is the movie I took the most notes at this year, no joke, so let me share some choice quotes:
• Dante Graham (Laz Alonso) recruiting washed-up alcoholic/b-boy pioneer/basketball coach Jason Blake (Josh Holloway) to coach a b-boy team: "They're only missing one thing — you"
• Blake's response: "I ain't that guy anymore."
• Graham's appraisal of Blake's alcoholic state: "This ain't you"
•…
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Closed Circuit 2013
Of all the movies to have the editorial go-ahead to write 800 words on. But hey, I got to write an all-too-rare review.
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Grown Ups 2 2013
"Sight & Sound," not online. This gets the half-star edge just because at least Rob Schneider is gone. (Why is this, you ask? "I was in Adam Sandler's movie 'Grown Ups' (2010), and we had a great time making it and I love Adam, he's like a brother to me, but when he asked me to be in 'Grown Ups 2' (in theaters July 12), I had to turn him down. I just didn't want anything to take me away from…
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21 & Over 2013
No one needs to see this movie, but you should definitely read this article. Probably this one too. Trust me, this is important.
Anyway, I wrote this up for Sight & Sound, so it's print only. But a bit was cut out, which I include here, about JeffChang (credited as a one-word name in the end credits), the Asian-American student (Justin Chon) who's transformed into a chastened Chinese medical student returning to the mainland in the alternate version: "Jeff Chang is…
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The Round Up 2010
Packed in as much loathing as I could here. Remember Paris 36? This is WAY WORSE THAN THAT.