This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
wallpushingred’s review published on Letterboxd:
This review may contain spoilers.
“ITS A CRAP”- Admiral allahu Akbar
“Oh brother, you mean I can’t fuck my sister?”-Luke Slywalker
“No chewy, I don’t think she’ll give me a chewy, chewy” - Barney Gumble starring as Han Solo
The fact that Boba Fett the most feared and sought after bounty hunter in the galaxy clearly fell to his death by accidentally being tapped with a metal pole on the back whilst missing a target no further than a social distance away is ridiculous, why don’t you use that big fuck off Rocket on your back you fucking mong?
I see they took little to no time on improving Yoda and went yeah go on we’ll just stick this Hairy eared hermit back in for another flick, and that fucking lip smacker Jabba the hut was killed by the very actions that caused him to repeatedly lick his greasy chops the kinky sadist. Why is every little hairy bastard they meet on every new bastard planet so hungry, little scroungers the entirety of this galaxy I’d give one of them Ewoks 20 maybe 30 seconds tops before it was dead if it pointed its blunt spear at me and gave us a fucking snarl.
Why’s princess Leah covered C3POs mouth for him to be quiet when that tall hairy scruff behind her has been getting away with it for fucking ages? A whisper from him is like a church choir belting a note at the top of their lungs, honest to god he takes one step and planet discs collide the big lumpy footed empty head. That shoulder tap from Han, wow, just wow I mean you’ve got a contraption that can destroy entire planets and galaxies that is being built for a SECOND time, but my goodness gracious my that shoulder tap *chefs kiss* can’t teach an old dawg new tricks ey, I just wish when that mencap escapee, wait no sorry.... storm trooper, had ran round the corner they all just mowed him down, just mercilessly riddled his body with lasers. Palpetine died by getting tossed off the side like it was the big show and Hornswoggle going toe to toe in a royal rumble hahaha absolute shambles this film.
Imagine seeing your arl fella for the first time and he looks like someone shaved their testies with a quid razor.