The Witch

The Witch ½

Have you ever watched paint dry?  Now what if it was period paint...wait that came out wrong, what if it was old style canvas oil based paint that at First glance seemed interesting to look at only to realize “oh it’s just another painting of seagulls on a  seashore”, and you roll your eyes at why everyone seems to be excited by it?  Welcome to The Witch...or The VVitch if you fancy yourself inventive douchebag by using two V’s, which honestly is the second most interesting aspect to this slog.  I spent most of the time trying to figure out just how far apart Anna Taylor-Joy’s eyes are that she almost looks like a dolphin.   Brief synopsis, dead baby, everyone looks dirty, goat close ups, chanting, she floats in the air....fin.  I just saved you valuable minutes you can now use to do something far more useful, sweeping sand at a beach for example, arguing politics on social media, or even reviewing shitty movies. I recommend this film if you need a solid nap, or you’re looking for more chill than Netflix. If your friends opine about how great it was, remember their taste in film is as shitty as your taste in friends.