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  • Thor: Ragnarok

    Thor: Ragnarok

    ★★★★

    For years I've had this line ready for a Thor movie review in the back of my head. And I've been waiting since 2011 to use it. It's a killer line. Like...carry me out of the room on your shoulders, Barack Obama, type of impactful statement. But I've never found the right time to actually use it. I may never. So maybe I should just tell you what it is? Otherwise this beaut is gonna be lost beneath the stains…

  • Nature Boy

    Nature Boy

    ★★★½

    Ric Flair was always a guy I've hated for no particular reason. I literally looked at him once, said "oh FUCK this guy" and kept that stance on him ever since. Despite the fact that I'm a lifelong wrestling fan and a certified mark, growing up he always represented everything wrong with the wrestling business to me. A leathery blowhard who coasts by on a reputation I wasn't around to get caught up in given opportunities by the Powers that…

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  • Chairman of the Board

    Chairman of the Board

    The first scene of Chairman of the Board is Carrot Top looking back fondly on when he was born. Carrot Top (shown as a several month old baby with a red wig on) is just chilling out inside his mother’s uterus as she‘s in the hospital giving birth. There are pictures of his father (a sperm cell) hanging on her uteran walls. He has a full chemistry set that he is working on inside her vagina and by magically pouring…

  • The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story

    The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story

    Hey you guys aren’t going to believe it but this movie is actually really awful.

    But let’s focus in on something else for a second. Let’s take a look at the life of this film’s protagonist Dustin “Screech” Diamond. Because this film is told entirely from his perspective. He’s the only member of the group that is involved in this film (he’s an executive producer) and the plot of it is all based around his 2009 tell all book “Behind…