Fantasy Island ★½

Contest winners Gwen (Maggie Q), Melanie (Lucy Hale), unlikely brothers JD and Brax (Ryan Hansen & Jimmy O. Yang) plus Patrick (Austin Stowell) arrive on Fantasy Island where they are hosted by the mysterious Mr Roarke (Michael Peña) who promises that all of their fantasies can come true and they range from getting back with an old boyfriend to getting high and laid along with more darker fantasies such as playing soldier in a war zone and torturing to death your high school bully.

But alas there's a price to be paid and pay it we the audience most certainly do and then some.

It feels like it's going to be a comedy especially when you see the bedraggled Michael Rooker looking on from a distance in one of the opening shots and it pretty much starts off that way before descending down a hole of all sorts of contrived craziness that is neither funny nor frightening.

Bearing little resemblance whatsoever to the TV show of the same name starring Ricardo Montalbán upon which it's based Peña cuts an apathetic uncharismatic figure as Roarke and Yang's wisecracking gay Asian American is no substitute for Hervé Villechaize's memorable Tattoo.

Hackneyed beyond reason, thematically it's all over the place with cinematography that belongs in a toothpaste commercial and it can be summed up as a bunch of attractive looking performers with limited acting capabilities up on the screen and having no fun at all.

If it had had the balls to commit to being a comedy and embraced some horror comedy tropes then it could have been passable but it tries to be profound which is completely absurd considering the set-up and by the end, as opposed to the follow-up it's hoping for you just want them all dead and the island raised to the ground once and for all.

This definitely isn't one of Blumhouses finer moments.

Don't watch this.

Use your time more productively and go watch Broken Lizard's Club Dread (2004) instead.

Paul Anthony liked these reviews