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  • Last Action Hero

    Last Action Hero


    This meta-actioner doesn't know what to do with itself on fundamental levels, but it's still a blast of early-90s pulp with signature John McTiernan action and a solid arsenal of one-liners.

    Schwarzenegger is game, Charles Dance is irresistible, and the kid isn't half bad for a hanger-on.

    The "real world" is a bit of a drag, but McTiernan strategically places an ACME sign in the reality segment to suggest a double-bluff on credibility. This helps excuse the screenplay's lack of ambition, and clarifies we're watching a thin parody instead of an ambitious satire.

    Yet I'm confused by the cartoon cat, and always have been.

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat


    It delivers the action in spades, but I can't help feeling like they're overthinking this.

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  • Addams Family Values

    Addams Family Values


    We all have our own opinions, but if you don't love this you're an asshole.

  • The Long Goodbye

    The Long Goodbye


    Takes the basic premise and characters of Chandler's novel and basically wanders off with them, drunkenly making its own after-party.

    The movie lounges all over LA, pulling random tufts from the book like cotton candy -- or just as likely jettisoning Chandler's words entirely in search of the chaotic neutral. There's a perfect microcosm scene where Arnold Schwarzenegger (yes, really) undresses slowly and while doing so seems to accidentally look at the camera, then slams his eyes shut at the…