"have you seen the dark knight with christian whale"

he called this one "forest" starring "daniel harry potter"

"johnny depp is a disgrace to all pirates dead and alive"

i asked if he could get me the blu-ray of this film and he said "you already have this at home isn't this the movie where johnny depp is a lizard"

dad that's Rango

"haha pussy wagon that's funny"

"look how nicely bill is preparing that sandwich"

"i can't understand anything they're saying but i like it"

"this movie is so long"

he laughed for a good five minutes after that scene where adam driver's prosthetic arm got sucked into the vaccuum

"harry styles is gonna win best extra at the oscars"

"so it's about racism"

"i love mark strong he is the best bald person"

"IS THAT MICHAEL SHATNER"

he meant shannon but he got too excited

"i love rocks"

he was talking about taika

he always complains about how often we watch this movie but once the movie starts he never takes his eyes off the screen

"i could dance better than that"

talking about pennywise dancing

"that's not a baby" upon seeing ansel elgort

"that monster is not even scary, it's just a blob"

"that guy looks like a walnut"

he was talking about paul dano

"jon hamm is a meaty man" then he laughs at his own pun

first viewing: "CARMELO ANTHONY???????????????"

second viewing: “russell westbrook was the fifth member of the ninja turtles”

"tell paul mccartney to find another job" after hearing this movie play blackbird

there’s a character in this movie called boonkerd and my dad kept calling him booknerd so when boonkerd got shot my dad was like “BOOKNERD NOOOO”

there's a scene in this movie where a white man yells something racist to a chinese man and my dad looked at me and said "a hibachi chef can chop this guy's body up he's too cocky to be acting like that" IMS CSJDFHKJHKRGKJTG

he told me that i should probably stop drinking tea because of what happened in this movie

he told me to close my eyes during the sex scene

dad i’m 18

"i used to look like jim sturgess in this movie when i was younger"

my dad is a flabby 40 something year old filipino man and jim sturgess is, first of all, white

my dad always complains how long the lotr movies are but everytime i watch it he makes himself coffee, sits on the couch, and watches the whole thing

“is this glee?”

also he calls anna kendrick Anna Kendrick Lamar Odom

dad: why did the water freeze in space
me: because it’s cold in space
dad: then how come superman only wears a brief

he wouldn’t believe me when i said that michael b. jordan isn’t related to michael jordan so he googled it and was like “i can’t believe i’m wrong”

he laughed at everything kevin hart said, especially when kevin's character drunkenly said "that's what she said" and also when jack black yells "HEY MARTHA COME LOOK AT MY PENIS"

“what kinda movie is this?!”

his comments throughout this movie:
- “is that the guy from black panther” about mbj
- “hey that’s the girl from thor” about tessa thompson
- “is his name creed”
- “what if he fought mayweather”
- “rocky vs. mayweather who do you root for”

"it's like if the power rangers met the autobots"

“why do superheroes fly all the way to the sky when the villain is right there on earth?? what’s the point of that? you’re only wasting time”

"THANOS" - upon seeing josh brolin

"jane got a gun alright"

"is that hulk hogan?" - about thunderlips

this is like an end of the world roadtrip movie where the guy has to drive from chicago to seattle to get to his girlfriend but the movie is so long that my dad got so bored that he went on google maps and looked at the travel time it will take for theo james' character to get to seattle. every fifteen minutes or so he would say things like:
"oh he still has 12 hours to go"
"he's in montana now"
"that's idaho, still kinda far"
"how long is this movie it feels like we'll be watching the entire trip"

"all of this would have been avoided if they called aquaman"

"they look like human minions with those yellow suits"

"what happens if you need to shit really bad or if your pee is too loud"

"bye bye superman"

"bad"

"is this the movie with luke babbins"

i'm sorry, WHO????????????

i'm studying for midterms in my room and he comes in, sits on my bed, tells me "battleship is good" and i was like what and he said "the movie with rihanna. it's good. she's good" and then he got up and left

"why does thor look like he could be in duck dynasty"

“i feel like this is going to be better than tenet”

a character in this movie goes “trust me, this is the only way” with regards to saving the world and my dad was like “why can’t they make a movie where they have multiple different ways? why does it always gotta be just one? that’s allowed isn’t it?”