• From Up on Poppy Hill

    From Up on Poppy Hill

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Not me and my boyfriend tearing up because it wasn’t incest. 🥹💗

    (But in all seriousness… I loved this movie?? It gets too much hate! I wish I was a Japanese student during the mid-1900s living in a cozy coastal town restoring historic buildings. So… suck it, h8ers!!)

  • Bionicle: Mask of Light

    Bionicle: Mask of Light

    ★½

    Cutscenes, Weird Glowing (Everywhere), and Cultural Appropriation: The Movie.

  • Blue Velvet

    Blue Velvet

    ★★★½

    I've never related with an antagonist more than when Dennis Hopper screamed about beer. "Heineken!? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!" and "One thing I can't fucking stand is warm beer. It makes me fuckin' puke!" reverberated with me in a way I never expected.

    Anyway, this might be my first (whole) David Lynch movie, and, uh… it was kind of annoying? It's like all of the world's most annoying English teachers got together and took acid then decided to…

  • Obi-Wan Kenobi

    Obi-Wan Kenobi

    ★★★★½

    They pulled it off. I didn’t think they could, but they did—and I am so grateful for that. God, I love Star Wars. 

  • Spartacus

    Spartacus

    ★★★½

    Featuring one of the best love themes ever composed and a gay-ass bath scene that wound up being WAY more gay than I could have ever anticipated for a popular 1960 movie. (On a related topic, would Tony Curtis have really turned down Laurence Olivier? I mean… 🫣)

  • Crimes of the Future

    Crimes of the Future

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Babe 😭 what’s wrong 🥺 why you won’t eat 🤤 out my stomussy🫃anymore 😔💯

  • Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island

    Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island

    ★★★½

    A solid ending to the trilogy! I wish I had rewatched the first one before these two within the past week, but so it goes. 

    There are so many amazing sequences shot on location in this movie, and the final duel is really some cinema magic. Toshirô Mifune is—as always—a delight to watch, and Kôji Tsurata really brings a compelling character into the mix to rival Mifune’s Musashi. Plus, the musical theme absolutely slaps. 

    I really wish these three movies…

  • Total Recall

    Total Recall

    ★★★

    Nothing quite like a Paul Verhoeven movie to remind me that I am very much not straight.

  • Samurai II: Duel at Ichijoji Temple

    Samurai II: Duel at Ichijoji Temple

    ★★★

    Watched this too long after watching part I, which I recalled enjoying quite a bit. Visually this movie is a great time, but the story’s tropes and themes—typical of a samurai movie—were a bit exhausting for me at this point. 

    Worth noting, though, that je watched this on a plane which is never an ideal situation to experience a movie. 😒

  • The Haunting

    The Haunting

    ★★★★½

    I love haunted house movies—especially when they're used as a means to explore psychological trauma. As a bonus treat, I didn't realize that this was based on the same book that the Flanagan series was inspired by. The sound design in this movie kicks ass, and that one special effect at the end really threw me off in their realism.

    The Haunting is both a spooky and sad movie—you're gonna love it!

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

    ★★★★

    Norrington Simps 2022™ unite.

  • Daughters of Darkness

    Daughters of Darkness

    ★★★½

    This is such a peculiar movie—one of those fever dream pictures where everything feels just ever so slightly off from real life despite its ordinary appearance. While the psychosexual approach to vampire stories feels a little worn out by 2022, it’s easy to appreciate the uniqueness in Daughters of Darkness, especially given its age. All-in-all, it’s gothic, vampiric fever dream with a killer score, some neat visuals, and a lot of bisexual tension.

    Also, Delphine Seyrig? Wow!! I had never seen…