"Titties are pretty cool, baby"
Limp-wristed sigma male Jack Sparrow fights to win the heart of Bill Nighy who's still playing Viktor from Underworld. Elizabeth Swann spends the movie downwind of Jack, simping over his every fart, while poor Will Turner is left holding his daddy's dick.
5 stars just for the Water Wheel
-3 stars for lack of Barbossa
+2 stars for Tia Dalma being hot
A bit better than I remember.
The movie plays with a lot of really powerful themes, but ends up tripping over it's own dick. It's not right to fault a movie for what it could have been. The movie devolves into shlock but Fassbender's performance, and the amazing visuals alone make it something I'd recommend.