• One True Thing

    One True Thing

    ★★½

    A boy I like said this was a good one and how it will make you cry. Well that's true, thanks boy. 200 golden stars for Meryl's Scary Wig

  • Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts

    Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts

    ★★★

    Used to hate drag, never watched drag race, and the hourglass/big-hair look made me wanna hurl. I didn't get it and as a queer dude it made me feel alienated. It's like Pokémon - why's everyone obsessed with this dumb thing?

    Then came Unhhhh and finding out that there is a deeply dramatic but beautiful friendship at core of two of the funniest and most genuine people in comedy. This movie is at its best when it doesn't shy away from that part of Trixie's journey.

    In other words; I WAS CONVERTED BY LAUGHTER AND I BOW DOWN TO THE TUCKED-NUT GIGGLE GODDESS. 3 stars.

  • The Thing

    The Thing

    ★★

    I couldn't be bothered to watch the second half. Good movie.

  • Hocus Pocus

    Hocus Pocus

    ★★½

    This movie really wants you to know that the hip hollywood teenager has definitely *not* put his benis in any sort of wet hole before, jesus. Also it's possible Thackery Binx influenced my childhood identity into adulthood:

    ✅ very dirty 

    ✅ always barefoot

    ✅ unwilling furry

    ✅ would rather be dead

    6 out of 6 Disney virgins for Bocus Bocus.

  • Crawl

    Crawl

    Bored the whole time except when she wound up her flashlight and I was like wheeee let me try! 10 out of 10

  • Trolls World Tour

    Trolls World Tour

    ★★

    Came for the McElroy "cameos", stayed for the incredible animation, left for the corny kids movie crap. 22 out of 5 licensed radio hits

  • I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    ★★★★

    It's a confusing slog but when you understand the twist it becomes a whole other thing. A very very sad thing. Zero stars ☹️

  • Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation

    Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation

    ★★½

    Not nearly as fun or silly as the previous movies but Tommy Cooz still delivers the Good Action for me and my limited time on this Earth so 3 stars I guess

  • Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

    Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

    ★★★

    Dumb fun in my cun! Twelve thousand BIG stars for Tommy "Douche No Longer" Cooz. WoooooEEEEE!!!

  • Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

    Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

    It's trashy and dumb toddler level stuff but Jimmy is always a fun time because I did impressions of him as a kid and made my aunts think I was a Star Child. 3 asscheeks peeled open in the police station

  • Mission: Impossible III

    Mission: Impossible III

    ★★½

    At one point in the movie Tommy Cooz prints out a picture of a beautiful Roman cityscape on his tummy and tapes it to a camera. What a nice guy. Clumsy chaotic stupid fun for me and Toomy Cooz, my friend forever. 5 star

  • Mission: Impossible II

    Mission: Impossible II

    ★½

    A very of-its-era piece of shit. But it got a laugh out of me about every two minutes so thank you Tommy Cooz for all the goofs. Goof stars