Suzanne

That person who writes reviews with no film background

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  • The Craft

    The Craft

    ★★½

    Fun, but the third act doesn’t hold up at all. I am happy that Fairuza Balk was in at least one decent film in 1996, though. She owned this.

  • The Craft: Legacy

    The Craft: Legacy

    ★★

    At the end of the second act one of the witches talks about how their number one rule is to use their powers responsibly. Girl, you broke into someone’s house, broke someone out of detention, froze time to chuck frisbees at each other, and made a boy act against his will. You never used your powers responsibly once.

    Also they kind of just reduced magic to element-bending.

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  • Taxi Driver

    Taxi Driver

    ★★★★★

    This incredibly famous movie has been talked about to death, and quite frankly I have nothing new to add to the discussion.

    So I’m just going to say that every single male character besides DeNiro reminded me of George Constanza.

    I have never seen Seinfeld.

  • Van Helsing

    Van Helsing

    ★½

    Ignore the rating, this is actually the best filmé ever made.

    It really is just worse-case scenario Spider-Man (2002) though, a tonally confused cheesy mess with no idea what it’s trying to be. It’s as if Sommers saw the big smash hit knowing he wasn’t Sam Raimi, and tried doing it anyways. But that’s not enough, in addition to combining it with his The Mummy, he also rips off Blade. That’s where the problem lies, I suppose. Those two don’t go…