At one point, Nicolas Cage is tied up in a cage in a room full of cages. It’s about time! In this movie, he plays an asshole-with-a-heart-of-gold who is traveling via ship with animals he’s captured, like face-ripping monkeys, venomous snakes, and the elusive white jaguar. Also on the ship is a psychotic terrorist mercenary, chained up and caged to be transported somewhere, played by Kevin Durand in a performance nearly as big as his teeth. He manages to escape…

Hot take alert! I thought this was a delight! Not nearly as why-so-serious as I had been led to believe. It’s pretty bleak and uncomfortable, but in a way that I find charming because it still has bits of humor. I thought his knock-knock joke was genuinely funny. He also walks into a glass door, and he’s always doing cute dances! Like, I know everyone agrees Joaquin is amazing, but seriously, this is an unbelievable physical performance. He’s constantly contorting…