RSS feed for Matthew
  • Stuber

    Stuber

    ★½

    If you're going to make a dogshit pseudo-comedy that doubles as a 90-minute piece of sponsored content for a predatory hell app, is it too much to ask for said hell app to be accurately depicted? THAT'S NOT HOW UBER WORKS!!

  • Shazam!

    Shazam!

    ★★★½

    Cute, but I was a bit distracted by how much Levi, with his jet-black dye job and throbbing forehead veins, looked like he was in a superhero porno parody.

  • Parasite

    Parasite

    ★★★★

    Instituting the "Gentleman's 4," in which I rate a film 4 Stars due to its objective and undeniable artistic and technical merit even though my personal enjoyment hovers from 3.25 to 3.50 Stars. It will be noted by the symbol *G4 at the beginning of the review. So...*G4

    Retroactively applying the *G4 to Midsommar and The Lighthouse. So update your spreadsheets.

  • The Lighthouse

    The Lighthouse

    ★★★★

    Guys being dudes.

  • In the Tall Grass

    In the Tall Grass

    ★★★½

    More visually inventive than your average horror movie but somehow less narratively inventive.

  • The Laundromat

    The Laundromat

    ★★★

    Soderbergh tries to make his version of The Big Short but kinda ends up making Schizopolis again.

  • El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

    El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

    ★★★½

    Plays like a long but kinda pointless episode of the show and if that's not what you wanted out of this I don't understand.

  • Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich

    Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich

    ★★★½

    *me smiling serenely during all the gory kills*

  • Mister America

    Mister America

    ★★★★½

    Thought about it a lot but had to add an extra half-star just for the bit in the hotel room near the end where he notices the camera is still there.

  • Joker

    Joker

    ★★★★½

    Grand Bargain: Joker is both a genius work of art, AND should be banned from public viewing.

    Joker is a total accident, devoid of any depth of analysis, held captive to the same sterile cultural dynamic as the rest of us wretches, but manages to totally transcend its genre not through brilliance or insight, but by merely depicting the essential reality of What It Means to Live Now for a certain segment of the population. That's honestly sort of dangerous! It's like a freaking birthday clown with a gun tucked in his pants!

  • Creepshow

    Creepshow

    ★★★★

    The best comic book adaptation ever.

  • Monster Party

    Monster Party

    ★★

    "Time to make the Dawsons great again."

    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu