Avengers: Endgame

Avengers: Endgame ½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

UPDATE: Subtracted another star when I woke up still furious that this is a $400 million movie that makes genocide seem cool and insubstantial and argues conflict can be solved with a snap (and the most destructive weapon). This movie isn’t just poorly made; it’s the embodiment of fascist ideology that many scholars argue is inherent to the genre. It’s the worst MCU film, no question.
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An incredible letdown after the surprisingly nuanced pathos of INFINITY WAR (which I kinda loved). It’s a pretentious, masturbatory victory lap for a franchise that pretends to take issues of power and violence responsibly while almost always advocating for righteous, redemptive vengeance. (Genocide is great when the "good guys" do it!) It’s three hours of vapid capitalist pandering and a simplistic, reductive worldview, a movie that simultaneously fetishizes the past while also ensuring we’ll keep buying tickets in the future. I think it’s safe to say I hated it. ‬

***

Marvel Exec 1: You know those vague, poorly-defined MacGuffins that were the foundation for the worst movies in this series?

Exec 2: Yeah!

Exec 1: Let's make those the focal point of this one, too! Instead of taking 20 movies to get them, though, we'll give the heroes around an hour!

Exec 2: Good idea! Speaking of "power MacGuffins," how about Captain Marvel? Think we can have her be super powerful (capable of destroying Thanos' ship single-handedly) but also kinda weak (can't beat Gauntlet-less Thanos one-on-one) when necessary?

Exec 1: Brilliant! We're so cool. This whole experience has been so great, I just wish I could re-live it!

Exec 2: Oh! Maybe we can! We'll just use the ultimate MacGuffin of all... time travel!

Exec 1: Oooooooohhhh, I'm intrigued. How does it work?

Exec 2: Blah-blah-time-branch-blah-blah-alternate-history-blah-blah! I don't know! It doesn't matter!

Exec 1: I love it! It'll be like three hours of our greatest hits! You can see every single character we've ever had! Remember Natalie Portman? Remember John Slattery? Remember Rene Russo? We'll have them all! We're the best company ever!

Exec 2: Yeah, we're gonna sell so many action figures! Oh, can we bring back Jeff Bridges?

Exec 1: I'd rather include a Big Lebowski joke, and it wouldn't make sense for Jeff Bridges to actually be there, even though he already was in the very first MCU movie.

Exec 2: You're right, that doesn't make sense at all.

Exec 1: Who cares?! Fans will love whatever we do. Let's print some money, babyyyyyyyy.

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