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  • Silence

    Silence

    When I grow up, I want to be a 17th-century Jesuit priest so that I too may have silky, voluminous hair and some seriously defined pecs.

    One question though - would I too be forced to communicate exclusively through furrowed brow via leaden, alternately hushed and adamant platitudes? For like, months on end? In that case, do I too get to choose an accent at random from sentence to sentence?

    But no, you're right. How dare I speak such sacrilege.…

  • Collateral Beauty

    Collateral Beauty

    ½

    "In that moment I didn't feel love.... I Became Love." (!)

    Oh my god, you guys? This is not a drill.

    It's worse than Gigli.

    Worse than Crossroads.

    Worse than - and I do not say this lightly! - worse than Love, Actually.

    Someone has finally gone and done it. A group of people, in fact - Oscar-winners half of them.

    They've banded together to create - indeed, to excrete:

    The Single Worst Film Ever Made.

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  • The Marriage of Maria Braun

    The Marriage of Maria Braun

    ★★★★★

    My third viewing. I liked it plenty after both the first and the second. But it is only this third time around that it managed to properly seep under my skin and move me more intensely than any other Fassbinder film - even the more baldly tragic (and nearly as sublime) Fox and His Friends.

    And it's funny that, while this was unquestionably Fassbinder's greatest popular success, it never seems to have been considered his defining masterpiece, which I would…

  • Rush

    Rush

    ★½

    What Hitler did to Poland Peter Morgan is doing to screen dialogue.

    I realise the racing sequences are meant to be the selling point here, and a couple of them are compelling on a narrative level (if thoroughly generic on a style level). But even there you're stuck with a commentator instructing you to be excited every thirty seconds and providing a detailed plot recap in case you just came back from the toilet.

    Truly, after The Queen, The Other…