Ritual ★★★★★

"i like rainy days. because when it rains, all the merry people in the world finally walk with their eyes downcast"

been a pretty wretched month for me all things considered but this shit took me to a place within myself i wasn't aware existed, or maybe it was the place i lied and told myself wasn't real, a fucking ride of mania, anxiety, and melancholic loneliness, before gently setting me back down in reality, w/e the fuck that is. bursting with soul and style and ngl this is tied with fallen angels as my favourite aesthetic in film, like idk what words to even describe it with, just a sensory experience unlike anything i've seen before. despite that heavy stylistic presence i found this to be the most delicate portrayal of...well, everything i've felt since i was eleven, maybe even younger for all i can remember. it's not just the suicidal ideation, it's the lack of affection, it's the escapism, it's the identity crisis, it's the artist's ennui, the fear of everything living outside the self but most of all the fear of closing ones eyes when alone. there is so much to unpack with ritual but for me i don't see much point in doing so right now as i'd probably be better off reflecting on my own feelings and unpacking them. naomi kawase and hideaki anno are the only two people making this month worth living, maybe i should watch the second half of neon genesis evangelion now lol.

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