The Bachelors ★½

Sick and tired of having to watch countless movies to get your fill of indie cliches? Well worry no more! The Bachelors was made just for you, crammed to the brim with every tired cliche under the sun.

Depressed recently widowed dad?

Love interest who's angsty about her parents divorcing?

Jock bully that repeatedly screws said love interest before our protagonist gets to so much as touch her boob?
You bet your sweet ass.

This last point is what bothered me the most about The Bachelors. In the big climax scene, our two teen leads (Wes and Lacy) get into a screaming match. Wes is angry because he's been so "nice" and "understanding" of Lacy and she won't return the favor with sex. How fucking dare she sleep with the bully-jock and not him? Wes even helps her with her French homework. HER FRENCH HOMEWORK. That entitles him to at least a lazy handjob with optional eye contact.

The film is also a fine blueprint on how *not* to address mental health. According to this movie, if you seek psychiatric help for depression, you WILL be put on a cocktail of pills. You WILL NOT get better. And you WILL have a nervous breakdown.

I'm convinced that JK Simmons and Julie Delpy only did this movie because it would be an easy paycheck that absolutely no one would see. And I hope no one does. Not even their decent performances can save this steaming pile of bad dialogue, contrived plot, and unlikable characters.