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  • Murder on the Orient Express

    Murder on the Orient Express

    I'll probably ruin this for everybody, but, as my brother pointed out, Branagh's mustache mask looks like an Alien facehugger.

  • Wonder Wheel

    Wonder Wheel

    Always gorgeous Kate Winslet and absolutely marvelous use of lightning and color (thanks to legendary cinematographer Vittorio Storaro who shot Apocalypse Now and The Conformist) elevates Wonder Wheel above mediocrity. I mean, Allen knows what he's doing, even if he's doing it by the numbers. Definitely not the worst of Woody's latest efforts.

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  • The Snowman

    The Snowman

    ★½

    Remember that girl who ordered a nice looking dress from eBay, but received some second-hand papier-mache looking garbage instead? This is how I felt, hoping for the noirish elegance and roughness of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and then witnessing this astonishingly poor product of a film.

  • Alien: Covenant

    Alien: Covenant

    ★★

    I'll do the fingering.

    Two stars for two Fassbenders and Fassy's homoerotic moments. Also, if owning your very own Michael Fassbender is the future.. Do hurry, scientists.