Christopher Nolan is here to save cinema as we know it the only way he knows how, and in a way only his most fanatical devotees could love - an expensive looking, action-stuffed James Bond pastiche with funky video game mechanics. This movie has exactly two modes: ceaseless exposition and loud, convoluted setpieces, yet no matter how didactically it explains its physics to you, the mechanics never come close to making sense. It's horribly apropos that a third of the dialogue is either muffled by masks or Branagh's embarrassment of a Russian accent, in that it synchronizes perfectly with how incoherent and vacuous the dialogue is.

The result is a gussied up fucking disaster of suitably epic proportions that somehow never manages to be remotely thrilling. To be completely frank, it's also just a deeply annoying sensory experience which comes complete with a character who early in the runtime condescendingly demands that The Protagonist and the audience alike stop trying to understand and just feel it. The audacity of including point blank instructions to turn my brain off when 80% of the script is a (nonsensical) physics lecture is just an unbearable flick in the nose that comes to define the sensation of watching or thinking about this movie. Regrettably, once the irritation wears off, all I feel is bored. This movie is awful, a regrettable waste of time and talent, and hardly the movie to save this year's tepid blockbuster release slate.

Christopher Nolan Ranked

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